Above all, I believe in being kind.
Kindness is comfort. All people need comforting. Life is hard: each person suffers. We are equal in this regard.
"Pleasing people" comes from intimidation. It comes from fear. It is a movement into the self; it is the result of maneuvering for self-protection. The need for self-protection is rooted in abuse: mental or physical, societal, cultural, institutional, etc.
Kindness moves outward. Kindness is empathy for the human condition. Some of the kindest people are those who have suffered the most.
Women have traditionally tended toward "pleasing people" because of eons of abuse which have imprinted in the female instinct the need for self-preservation.
There have always been strong women who discerned the difference between actions deriving from intimidation and those which connect one human to another on a spiritual level.
Kindness is strength. Kindness acts come from self-confidence. "Pleasing people" is weakness and comes from lack of self-esteem.
There are times when "pleasing people" and kindness overlap, at least, in appearance. This can be misinterpreted, disparaged, and sometimes taken advantage of by the unscrupulous.
Instincts are spontaneous. Empathy is spontaneous. Le Corbusier one stated: "Spontaneity is the very essence of the human spirit."
Self-esteem is deeply rooted: its expression is transparent to the observer. How to turn the spontaneous action of a woman with low self-esteem into one of confidence is problematic. It requires a continuing effort, therapy, good friends, changed relationships, and different choices of environment.
One simply must change her life and her mind. She must re-condition every aspect of her habits, thought processes, dreams of the future.
The Woman's Movement did not go far enough. It dead-ended into a quest for personal power, but it failed in changing the universal female condition of exploitation and abuse.
WOMEN ARE THE MOST OPPRESSED MEMBERS OF THE HUMAN RACE.
Every woman should commit to changing these circumstances.
WOMEN CONSTITUTE THE MAJORITY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
This is potential power which could change their status as well as change the world for the better.
Some of the ways the current power structure hinders this from coming to fruition
begins with economics as it effects salaries, health benefits, leave time and career advancement. Distractions, such as fashion, cosmetic surgery, celebrity-watching, entertainment themes with dubious role models of actresses and performers feed feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. The focus is on superficial appearances and low expectations, the stock in trade of advertising partnered with corporate, government and institutional intentions of maintaining the status quo of female oppression.
WOMEN MUST HELP EACH OTHER TO FULFILL THEIR POTENTIAL.
WOMEN MUST BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER, AND TO MEN.
And kind men who care make the greatest difference of all.
ⓒMargaret Koscielny, April 30, 2014